I need coffee...

Please help me make them understand...
there cannot be any mixing of the "big people" clothes and the baby's clothes
and YES you must wash your hands EVERY TIME you come near the baby. I'm not joking.
IF you want to hold my child, you must be sitting, preferably surrounded by many, many pillows.
You will NOT put a pacifier in his mouth without first rinsing it with water. And no, the water in your squirt gun will not do.